A Million Pieces

You have all been saved from another Helldivers2 ruminations newsletter by my sister sending me the senior photos for my niece and nephew this morning. I am entirely up in my feels about how amazing they look but also by how they were just babies yesterday. They can't possibly be the incredible (almost) adults they are now. Same with my heart sisters and the photos of their kids who are as dear to me as if we were related. I don't know where the time went. I can still pick them up but it's a lot more effort now. laughs

Many of you know I never wanted children, I am perfectly happy being the coolest Jedi Master out there to so many awesome kids. It has been a joy (continues to be a joy) watching them grow into people over the years and I look forward to watching them all take the world by storm. We have left it to them in a terrible condition, but I have a lot of hope they can make it better.

I think a lot about how there are a million pieces of us scattered through the world. How we leave little bits in the hearts and minds of those we interact with. How we get little pieces in return. How important it all is, even though it's so small we barely notice at the time. One of the fun things about writing is getting to take those little moments for characters and weave them into something with bigger implications than anyone could imagine.

I look back over what I hope is the first half of my life and see all the little paths, the turns, the backtracking, the falling off of cliff-edges and getting lost in the weeds. Everything that happened put me here today, so I'd never change a moment of it, not even the bad things. Sometimes I wish they hadn't happened, but I also know that changing them would change me. And I am finally, mostly at a point where I don't want to change who I am.

In other news it has been zero days since I cried over the KPop Demon Hunters soundtrack.

But these lyrics, y'all, come on.

We're shattering the silence, we're rising, defiant
Shouting in the quiet, "You're not alone"
We listened to the demons, we let them get between us
But none of us are out here on our own
So we were cowards, so we were liars
So we're not heroes, we're still survivors
The dreamers, the fighters, no lying, I'm tired
But dive in the fire, and I'll be right here by your side

What it Sounds Like is a fucking banger of a song in a soundtrack filled with bangers. (spoilers in the video if you haven't watched the movie, you really should though :P )

That bridge really hit because the Wolves book is so much about people who've made shitty choices, people who are trying to right wrongs, trying to live with the ghosts of their pasts, trying to move forward in the face of nearly impossible odds. I turned my edits into my agent last week and I'm really excited and hopeful that this messy book will find a home somewhere.

In the meantime I am diving into Wolves #2 to get a start while it's still fresh in my head. I have to do some reworking of the outline now that the first book is done. Honestly if anyone is surprised that things shifted there? laughs The day I stick to an outline is probably the day you should start asking if I've been taken over by aliens.

I'll also be working on the genderbent Romeo and Juliet story (I think I have mentioned) and I'm super excited about that. You know I love a good enemies to lovers trope and it's looking to be even more fun twisting this tragedy into something different. And I have not forgotten about Hail or the prequel idea. It's just been very slow going and I am also trying to stick to a reasonable schedule and not burn myself out again even if (or especially because) I am now in the mood to write for a good chunk of the day.

Speaking of work/life balance I do not have the words to express how happy I am to finally be back in a gym and lifting again, even though I've basically had to start from scratch. Shoutout to my friend Kallyn for the moral support and saying a month and a half ago over beers that they were also wanting to get back to the gym. Having a buddy makes it so much easier to show up.

Miscellanea:

I bought myself two "yay book's done" presents - this shirt: Read Books. Lift Weights. Fight Fascists. and a bottle of Uncle Nearest 1884 small batch. (that distillery has a phenomenal history of the first Black master distiller and also the first Black woman master distiller - Victoria Eady Butler is the first person ever to win back-to-back master blender of the year) The whiskey is amazing with a hefty amount of spice on the back end that I have really come to appreciate over the years and almost more like a rye in that regard.

I am reading Interstellar MegaChef by Lavanya Lakshminarayan and it is great so far. I'm about to crack into Premee Mohamed's These Lifeless Things and I'm sure it'll ruin me like all her other books do.

I'm tossing around the idea of a photo project for next year, but might get started early on it given that it's only August - abandoned signage. I want something that would require me to get out of the house a little more and traveling to look for run down signs would be interesting. (I have also always loved urban decay photography so it's a chance to get into that subset.) Photos would likely be up on my Instagram but there's also plenty of nonsense up there now so check that out if you haven't yet.

I hope you are taking care of yourselves and your communities as best as you are able. Remember you matter. The work matters. Hang in there.

Love,
K