Chop Wood, Carry Water

"Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

While in Vancouver back in February I had a chance to hang out for several days with my friend Jackson Ford. He's a person I adore (and I'm not just saying that because he's probably reading this), we clicked pretty instantly when we met on the bird site a decade ago and then when we got to see each other in person a few years later. He also writes pretty awesome books, you should check those out.

Over sandwiches we got into a discussion of religion. My faith has always been an extremely rambley, wandering thing and I currently sit in a space that I jokingly call "being really bad at being a Buddhist."

But I think, frequently, the Western world really struggles with the idea of Buddhism versus the practical reality of it. Yes, I meditate daily. (thanks to a resurrected practice that had died in 2016) Does that mean I sit on a cushion and empty my head? No. I'm either still lying in bed or walking around downstairs making an attempt to quiet my constantly whirring brain. And it is the attempt that's important here, the attempt at learning to quiet your mind, the attempt to extend compassion to all beings - yes, even those guys. And, ugh, listen I KNOW, it's so fucking hard. It is the hardest thing about all this to find compassion for evil people. I fail at it daily.

Now, does being a Buddhist mean I am steady and stable? No. * laughs * Most days I am at best a box of feral squirrels trying to escape containment. I struggle frequently, as I said, at being compassionate. I am too big a fan of bacon to ever go completely vegetarian.

But I love the enduring practicality of Buddhism. The awareness that everything we perceive is an illusion. That while we've come to collective agreements about so many things in this world, my idea of blue is not the same as yours. (and man, the fragility of all this when someone with power just decides to stop following these agreements...)

Tattooed on my left wrist, in my oldest sister's handwriting, is the phrase "be here now" which is a reminder of many things - to stop and breathe, to acknowledge that this moment only happens once and then it's gone, that this "here" is not real but just a wild collection of electrical signals in about 3 pounds of mostly fat. Some people find this terrifying, I can't really articulate why it feels so comforting to me.

I know, at least in part, the driving force in my life is that if everything is so fleeting and we never get another chance to experience this moment, how can you spend that moment engaged in anything other than compassion for the people sharing that moment with you?

There is no change in behavior when someone attains enlightenment. You continue to do the work - chop wood, carry water. Laundry, dishes, cat boxes, mopping, watering plants, etc. You don't get to sit on some throne and listen to the adoring crowd. You keep going back to the work. Every day. You keep trying to be compassionate. Every day. This is the bare minimum for being human, as far as I'm concerned. That we fail at it on a constant basis is heartbreakingly painful, but what can you do beyond getting up and trying again? We are also so amazingly resilient and consistently gentle with each other in ways that warm my entire being. And that's reason enough to keep going.

Love,
K

Miscellanea:

My friend Ali Trotta's poetry collection is out this month! Offering to Ordinary Gods, you can still pre-order signed copies from Inkwood Books. (also sign up for her newsletter for more poetry and thoughtful emails)

The University of Bologna has opened the Biblioteca Eco, a new public library housing the personal book collection of writer and semiotician Umberto Eco. This is so very cool and I really want to take a trip to Italy someday to see it. They moved the library as it was laid out into the new space.

I picked up a new tarot deck by artist Fabio Listrani. Santa Muerte Book of the Dead is just stunning artwork across the board and very satisfying. (all my cards have been yelling at me lately about getting out of this rut but this one has been incredibly blunt out of the gate * laughs *)

Currently Reading: (do I keep picking up books off the TBR and leaving them all over the house, maybe...)

Kaikeyi by Vaishavi Patel
Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation edited by Kate Bornstein & S. Bear Bergman 
Professional Troublemaker: The Fear-Fighter Manual by Luvvie Ajayi Jones
Bargaining with the Devil: When to Negotiate, When to Fight by Robert Mnookin
Stolen Focus by Johann Hari 

Currently Listening: 
It Only Hurts - Default 

Where you can find me these days:
Bluesky: @kbwagers.com
Instagram: @midwaybrawler
Discord: @greenskywarning
Patreon: kbwagers