I Don't Like Bullies

"I don't want to kill anyone, I don't like bullies."

I love everything about Captain America: The First Avenger. Especially this bit. The earnest admission that he doesn't want to kill people but he does understand how important this war is and how he so desperately wants to be a part of it. Not for glory or honor or all the nonsense that people who don't understand war go on about, but because at the end of the day he needs to stand up against bullies.

To be clear, I am not a pacifist. There are times when we'll be called upon to stand up and fight for the things we believe in. I don't like violence, but that's as much for everyone else's sake because I already know I have the temperament to do it if necessary. And one of the things I respected the most about martial arts training was that violence should not be the first option, but you will make it the final one if necessary. The school I trained in didn't do competitions, for the simple reason that we didn't train to perform, we trained to break bones and put people down as fast and effectively as possible.

When I was in fourth grade, I made the mistake of telling a girl in our friend group that I didn't like how another girl bullied people. She promptly went and told the bully and for an endless school year I was bullied relentlessly. Emotionally, even physically. I learned two lessons from that: the first was don't trust people to have your back until they've proven it and the second was that the only thing that stops bullies is standing up to them. Not compromise, not adult intervention. Nothing works except showing them for the cowards they are.

Amusing side note: I never forgave that girl, because I am a Taurus and hold grudges until the heat death of the universe when the occasion calls for it. I also snorted with laughter when the bully sent me a friend request on Facebook years ago and then happily deleted it.

You would think being an adult would be different, but I find that bullies still creep into the works no matter what. They're more insidious now. The ones who make "jokes" that aren't really jokes. Who pick on people's mistakes endlessly despite their own failings. Who are quick to laugh but not quick to say "I'm sorry" when things go wrong. It's always hard to explain but I can pick a bully out usually within the first 15 minutes or so of an interaction. There's just a vibe and I've yet to be wrong if the person stays in my orbit for longer than that. Eventually the cards keep adding up, one little behavior after another.

They fold when confronted. Especially when there's a hierarchy present. (I'm also very good at knowing who will back me when I speak up and who bullies won't push back against.) Bullies are, at the end of the day, small sad people who desperately want approval and think the best way to get it is to beat someone else down.

You speak your mind, even if your voice shakes. To paraphrase Maggie Kuhn.

We've had to stand up to bullies a lot over the last decade (longer for many folks in this country). We've learned the hard way that the people in power we counted on to protect us from bullshit fold like cheap suits when it comes down to it - most of them, anyway. And the exhausting thing is we're nowhere close to being done. But I remind myself that if Cap can do this all day, so can I, and I'm not remotely done standing up to bullies.

In other news, the 2nd of August was the ten year anniversary of Hail's first book dropping into the world like a crashing ship. A story I thought up while laying on my couch one snowy winter day staring at my Christmas tree that changed my life. All I knew at the time was a woman had woken up on the floor of her ship, her mutinied crew dead, and an Imperial Tactical Squad moving in. I still love Hail after all these years and think of her frequently. (someday I may even get over the difficulties of writing a prequel about her gunrunning days and get that story out of my head and into the world) I got so lucky with my audiobook narrator here too, Angèle Masters is a doll and brought Hail and Co to life so incredibly beautifully it's still one of the few things I'll go back and listen to.

I know many of you are here because of Hail and I'll never be able to really impress how deliriously grateful I am for your love and support over the years. I'm here because you're here, and Hail got to hang around for as long as she did because of all you. So thank you from the endless reaches of the universe and it would mean the world to me if you convince someone else to pick up these books and keep them going for another ten years. Love you guys.

I hope you're all taking care of yourselves and your communities as best as you're able. Stick around, you matter.

Love,
K

Currently Reading: 
Offerings for Ordinary Gods by Ali Trotta
Crowded Vol 2: Glitter Dystopia by Christopher Sebela
Stolen Focus by Johann Hari 

Currently Listening: 
Nothing Breaks Like a Heart - Damiano David (I’ve maybe been obsessively listening to this because I love his voice so much, and also maybe want to steal his style because it’s fire.)

Where you can find me these days:
Bluesky: @kbwagers.com
Instagram: @midwaybrawler
Patreon: kbwagers