Setting Boundaries

I spent part of 2023 and 2024 learning how to set better boundaries, learning how to stand up for myself and what I wanted. In some cases it cost me friendships, in others it helped me clarify what the path ahead would look like. I don't regret any of the boundaries and wouldn't go back to change my decisions that have put me at this point.

We're seeing in real time what happens when you don't set boundaries. Cruel, abusive people will continue to push and those who capitulate will only constantly be on their heels as they scramble to adapt to the next shift. Giving ground constantly, throwing marginalized people into the line of fire in the desperate hope that terrible people will be sated. (spoiler alert: they will never be sated, it will never be enough violence and greed)

I was sad yesterday. Missing Garrus in a way I hadn't for few months. Somedays everything hurts and I think of that poem by Warsan Shire Where Does the World Hurt - Everywhere

i held an atlas in my lap
ran my fingers across the whole world
and whispered
where does it hurt?

it answered
everywhere
everywhere
everywhere.

That part is probably recognizable to most everyone since it's the piece that gets passed around the internet. Sometimes the weight on the world is just so heavy on my heart and I feel so helpless. I'm sure you do too. Despair is an insidious thing, it eats away at your resolve, whispering constantly in your ear that nothing you do matters so why bother trying?

Then I ask myself when the last time I ate was, when was the last time I stopped endlessly scrolling through the panic and fear, when was the last time I'd gone outside and got some sun on my face. People sometimes mock questions like "how much water have you had" as unhelpful, but in my experience the care and feeding of myself is often the first thing to go and sometimes the easiest thing to set right when I feel so very overwhelmed by all the Big Things™ in the world that I can't fix.

And that's the hard truth of it all that I have to sit with. I can't fix everything and I also can't let that spiral into a thought pattern of "then nothing is worth fixing." Because the truth of the matter is we can change the world around us, one thing at a time. Now is the time for focusing on our communities and ourselves. For learning to set boundaries, standing up and speaking up when we see things happening right in front of us. (it's hard, y'all, I know but you've got to do it) Making the calls and holding our elected officials responsible when they go all limp and spineless in the face of fascism kicking in our doors.

This is a scary time to be alive, but there have been times like these throughout history. People lived and died through times like these and continued to do good in the world even as war raged and volcanos exploded and plagues swept through their communities. It may seem strange to take comfort in this, but I do and I hope you can too. We work with the time we have, we don't let our joy and our love be diminished, and we never ever give up the hope of a better future.

Love,
K