Box Jumps

I am afraid of heights. Always have been and likely always will be.

This has weirdly translated into me being unable to do box jumps. Now, there's a physical component to this also as I am not a basketball player. My vertical is pretty pitiful, but when it comes to box jumps it's more the mental component that's stopping me than any actual physical ability.

I am unsure why this has stuck, when I have made an effort for a large part of my life to face my fears and walk toward them like the Winter Soldier on a mission to kill Captain America, I have such an issue with box jumps. But it's there and mostly I just work around it on the rare occasion it comes up in lifting class. (Thankfully the incidents of needing to box jump in "real life" are extremely low.)

There's definitely an awareness that of all the things to devote my energy to, overcoming this particular fear isn't high on the list. We're living in an age of relentless chaotic stress, our nervous systems dialed up to eleven in the worst possible way. Every single day a deluge of fear and pain and anger is pumped into our eyes and brains by people who profit off of making us afraid.

Inaction, after all, is preferable to fascists. They like it when we're frozen, unable to fight back or even more importantly unable to provide comfort to those around us. To empathize with other human beings. To want better things for us all and not just those who look like us or believe in the things we do.

It's important to remember that it's okay to be afraid. Fear is an important response that can help keep us alive. But it's equally important to keep it from running your life, making you mean, and pushing you away from opportunities that you'd otherwise get to experience.

I had the chance to drive down to Denver at the end of February and see a couple of friends. We hung out, had dinner, talked about writing and I got to watch a BattleTech game or two in progress. I also made a decision that I really need to stop being afraid of "messing up" a story in the BattleTech world and just write something when the opportunity presents itself. (which it may do at some point soon, we'll see)

I'm working on Wolves edits right now and really pleased with how the story is reshaping itself. I'm also a little ways into the short story for Patreon that will drop later this month. I have several other small projects that are moving slowly. Everything feels like it's moving slowly, but it's at least moving. Which is the whole point of this newsletter - "feel the fear and do it anyway" as Susan Jeffers says.

I hope you're all taking care of yourselves and your communities as best as you are able right now. There's more of us and we're stronger together.

Love,
K

Hey! I'm going to be at Read Freely Fest in Columbia, South Carolina the 27th through the 29th of March. Come see me if you're in the area!

Important hockey note: The Colorado Avalanche are 41-10-9 as of the writing of this newsletter.

Currently Reading: 
Mediocre, by Ijeoma Oluo
This is the Honey: An Anthology of Contemporary Black Poets, edited by Kwame Alexander
The Ganymedan, by R.T. Ester

Currently Listening: 
I’ve been listening to a lot of NF lately, especially Fear
If you haven’t seen it, check out Ilia Malinin’s exhibition piece from the end of the 2026 Winter Olympics set to that song.

Where you can find me these days:
Bluesky: @kbwagers.com
Instagram: @midwaybrawler
Discord: @greenskywarning
Patreon: kbwagers